Last year I made a proper Christmas Jumper. I mean the real deal, it had reindeers on it and everything, and I loved it. I wore it a lot in the run-up to Christmas; it was cheering and festive and fun. And then it all went wrong.
I blame the new washing machine. Most of my handknits had been in the previous one, on a cold wool or handwash cycle, and come out in perfect working order. This machine however is an altogether different beast. In one impressive round, it managed to felt two jumpers. Of course the two jumpers in question would be the one I made in expensive wool and the beloved reindeers. (And before you say it, yes, I should have known better. I should have been more careful and handwashed everything in the bathtub. It had always been fine before, but I will accept that the knitting gods have kicked my arse and promise henceforth to wash everything inside a pillowcase in a tub full of Soak with the aid of magical knitting fairies and their delicate cleaning powers of wonder. Or something along those lines).
As the Yuletide rolls around once more, I am again pining for a festive sweater. I’ve worked it all out – I can make it in aran yarn so it will knit up that much faster, and I could use Lanark wool so the whole thing wouldn’t cost much more than 20 quid and if I get cracking I reckon I could still have it done in time for Christmas.
There is the small question of reality. This plan would only be possible if I had no other knitting between now and Christmas. And possibly no day job. Or podcast. Or commitments to make a pumpkin pie for a Thanksgiving dinner at the weekend (don’t ask – American friend, long story) or a friend’s wedding to attend. I already have a couple of crazy Christmas knitting deadlines and when I think about them I start laughing in a slightly manic fashion, because there’s no way on earth I’m going to get them done, but denial is the only thing to summon at times like these.
The point is, I CANNOT knit a reindeer jumper right now. I MUST not. I WILL not.
If I am very good I am allowed to make one next year. Well in advance. Long before I fall down the Crazy Christmas Knitting rabbit hole.**